Thursday, July 26, 2012

WTF by Nikki Winter

Well hello there good people! So the lovely Nicole has given me a bit of authority here at the MMP blog when it comes to trying to get new viewers everyday. Therefore I came up with two new ideas--the "Spill It Wednesday"--as you all saw yesterday and today the first "WTF?" Now I won't ALWAYS be the one telling the "WTF?" Stories--hopefully. I'm gonna try roping Janet Eckford into reciting some of her hilarious anecdotes for you guys also but just...yeah I need to tell you a guys a little story....

               So as a women/men we all know there's nothing creepier than getting hit on by someone who's old enough to be our father/mother, or GRANDFATHER/GRANDMOTHER--yah know, unless you're INTO THAT. (gag) And I'm beginning to learn the hard way exactly how much it makes my skin crawl. Not to say there's anything wrong with an ATTRACTIVE, smooth, older man/woman with a lot of swagger and a wickedness that just excites you a bit but someone who looks like they have their cemetery plot already picked out and one foot through the door of the nursing home with grandkids OLDER THAN I AM, now ladies/gentlemen THAT is a PROBLEM. Anyway, occasionally I enjoy a DVD rental from the redbox that resides outside of Seven/Eleven around the corner from my cozy little home but I've had to adjust my wardrobe as of late after wearing a pair of short shorts, chucks, and a cut off t-shirt got me this....

             "Hey! Excuse me baby...Hey!...Yeah you girl! I know you hear me! Oh c'mon! Just look at me!" 
             I turned my head slightly to see something garbed in bright yellow FUBU casually strolling my way. Or AT LEAST he THOUGHT he was casually strolling. I couldn't tell if he had a recent knee injury, hip replacement, or if he got his walk from an old ass blacksplotation movie (shrug)
            I shook my head and went back to trying to pick a decent movie for my lonely Friday night--at the time I was single--whilst ignoring the geezer coming my way. What happened next will forever go down in history as "That brief demonic possession I experienced in 2012" when said geezer took one of his crusty gnarled hands and waved it in front of my face--a bit too close for comfort--going, "Excuse me sweetheart, what's your name?" 
           For a second I felt like I was standing outside of my own body WATCHING this person I had NEVER met in my life tug my Virgo lighter from my pocket, switch it on and hold it close to the geezer before saying in a voice that I don't think was mine, "If you don't get away from me right now I will light your bright ass on fire. You're already competing with the sun for attention, how would you like to be one step ahead and just as hot?" 
          The geezer held up his hands and backed away slowly. "Hey, hey now. Lets not do that. I was just trying to talk to you." 
          My brow quirked. "Why don't you try talking to someone who was actually standing in the temple WITH you when Jesus flipped those tables. That way ya'll have something in common to discuss?" 
          His lip curled just a bit and he looked like he wanted to reply but instead waved his hand and muttered, "Whatever" before shuffling away. 
          And THAT folks is what made me go "WTF?" (shakes head) Sometimes I wanna leave the house in a parka just so I won't EVER have to endure THAT again but it feels like God is in the middle of trying to give the south a taste of what it feels like in hell. And let me tell ya'll just because of THAT I've been in bible study EVERY WEEK. (grin) Stay tuned for next week where I bring you guys a new "Spill It Wednesday" and the story of my first Gentlemen's Club experience. Ah, I see that perked some folk's interest! Pervs! 

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