Friday, July 27, 2012

What Does Intimacy Mean to You?

Mocha Memoirs Press Author,  Shiree McCarver, is a bestselling author of interracial erotic romance. Surfice to say she knows a thing or two about intimacy. In this blog post, the successful Shiree, wants to her from you.

You can also read Shiree's Beauty & the Geek: Zola's Magic Touch, and see firsthand how her charcters become intimate and more.
"Be open and honest with your partner and ask them. If you can't talk about any and everything with your lover, then who can you talk to? Why are you allowing this person open access to the most personable part of you?"

Dictionary def: in·ti·macy - the condition of being intimate. An instant of being intimate.

Okay so I go and look up intimate...

Dictionary def: in·ti·mate - marked by close acquaintance, association, or familiarity.

Relating to or indicative of one's deepest nature: intimate prayers. Essential; innermost: the intimate structure of matter. Marked by informality and privacy: an intimate nightclub. Very personal; private: an intimate letter. Of or involved in a sexual relationship. A close friend or confidant.

Huh? You notice how they used the word to explain the word? Tell me, how is that an explanation? They also say "of or involved in a sexual relationship,” yet they list close acquaintance, association, or familiarity.

Honestly do any of those provoke intimacy in you? I mean, I might desire sex with a close acquaintance, association or familiarity, but it doesn't mean I would tell them my most intimate secrets and desires and if I can't do that, I wouldn't waste time sexing them when I can safely pleasure myself without the risk. In my opinion, if someone is in my bed as my chosen lover, I FEEL that I can trust to tell them how I FEEL without them being hurt, angry or upset. Even if they are a bad lover?

Hey, it's not an insult and I'm not insulted by the fact that being a bad lover means I'm admitting I'm not an expert at making love or maybe I just don't have the experience in "making love" as to having sex. Oh yes, there is a difference and for those that just have "good sex" and never experience the are still an inexperienced virgin...just one with skills. If you find having sex an easy thing to do, then you need to know the differences. Sex without emotions or feelings is EASY to jump into, with even strangers, acquaintances or friends.

However, sex with emotions is very hard to do because now you have this urge for more. More everything……more time together, more laughter, more sharing, more tears, more of a commitment and more stability; most of all, more talking.

If you wondering if a woman loves you, then notice how much she talks to you. She chatters more when her emotions are involved and men intend to be more intent in what you have to say because he wants to know everything about you when his emotions are involved.

No they still aren't that talkative ladies, so stop hounding them to give as much as they get. You will know when he sets aside the cell phone, computer, playing with the X-Box, or watching television to actually spend time with you/listen to you, it’s his way of being a mutual chatterbox.

Now Sex and Intimacy...
For me an orgasm is a gift that keeps on giving. It’s my body's way of reminding me that regardless of what is going on around me, today was intended that I live a life of love, laughter and pleasure without fear of the one I share this moment with. If you fear telling the person in your bed the truth, they shouldn't be in your bed sharing in that gift because it's like being given a present you have no use for nor want. We all know what
happens to those presents don't we?

Pleasure can often be abused, because like anything else it can be used to temporarily fulfill the emptiness that plagues when you lack a loving intimate relationship. I wonder how many people are honest about how lonely they feel after sex with the person they are with or how sad it feels when you have feelings but when the sex is over, your partner all of a sudden has something to do, has somewhere to be, or bluntly reminds
YOU that you have something to do or somewhere else to be. How many of you have been in a situation where all of a sudden someone that couldn't get enough of you just moments ago can't get rid of you fast enough when it's time for everything that should be GOOD and fulfilling is about to begin?

I mean, have we truly forgotten how intimate sex is? I admit I enjoy watching porn but it doesn't mean I want to live my life that way. I understand how people have itches that need to be scratched and for some any scratch from anyone or thing will do so I'm not judging. But don't fool yourself by pretending there is no difference between good sex and sex that is good because you are intimate and in love with that person.

There is a HUGE difference.

When you love a person, you talk to them in those most intimate ways about the most intimate things because that is what love is all about. Take advantage of the pillow talk. A lot can be covered during the times of soft touches and adoring kisses. So many people have a routine to lovemaking. Strip, a little oral, a little tit sucking, crotch rubbing and then stick it in and go and guess what? Not one word is spoken. There
is no intimacy in that; you might as well have picked up Joe Blow or Susie Slow for the night. At least they will talk dirty and pretend like you are rocking the hell out of their world.

There is a time for quick loving but it has to balance with the times that you lie down on the pillows naked, turned face to face while holding hands or hands touching while you talk to each other. Use this time to notice the smiles that are sometimes rare during these stressful times. Really listen……not only to their voice, but also what your lover is actually saying. Let them know you are listening, not because you feel you have to, but
because you actually find joy in being able to share the moment and because of the fact that they trust you enough to talk to you at all.

Intimacy to me? It's everything that is before, after and during sex.

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