Q: How long does it take to write a book?
A: That depends on how good you make it.
Q: What's the hardest thing about catching an editor's eye?
A: Getting someone to throw it to you.
Q: How can I stop people from stealing my ideas?
A: Don't worry, nobody wants them. Ideas are the easy part. You can do that in a day. Writing takes months. Maybe years. There are no new ideas.
Q: Where do you get your ideas from?
A: I steal them. Got a book for me to edit?
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
Q: Did your mother have any children that lived?
A: Nope. Did yours?
Q: Why don't senators use bookmarks?
A: They just bend over the page.
Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: They don't have any attachments.
Q: How much do you have to pay to get published?
A: Time for me to stop joking. Please, please, please don't pay to get published. Readers pay publishers and publishers pay authors. Don't believe anyone who tells you different.
Q: What's the worst part about seeing five lawyers in Cadillac go over a cliff?
A: A Cadillac seats six.
Q: Why can't a pony sing?
A: Because it's a little horse.
Q: What do you call an author without a girlfriend?
Q: Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?
A: Because he wanted to get a long little doggie.
Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace will do that to you.
Q: How many years do you have to write before you can quit your day job?
Q: Who's your agent?
Q: Who's your publicist?
Q: Who's your editor?
Q: What's the difference between an editor and God?
A: God doesn't think he's an editor.
Q: What's the difference between a golf ball and a woman's G spot?
A: A man will spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball.
Q: What does a Ziploc bag have in common with a walrus?
A: They're both looking for a tight seal.
Q: What's does it mean when they fly the U.S. flag at half mast at the post office?
A: They're hiring.
Q: What's the difference between a PhD in English and a large pizza?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: Why did you start writing?
A: Why not?
Q: Where can I learn more about your writing?
A: Mocha Memoirs Press!