Sunday, November 3, 2013

Dude, You're Wearing Some Classy Underwear

So there I was, driving from one place to another place, and I saw a young man walking along the sidewalk with his baggie pants so low that I could see his underwear. Boxers, not briefs. Hmm. Then he reached down below the underwear, to the baggie pants, and I thought he was going to pull them up. I was relieved. Nope, just scratching an itch or something. Faked me out.

An hour later, at home, a guy parked beside me and got out of his car. Despite baggy pants hanging down low and showing me his underwear, he moved faster than me and bolted up the stairs. I don't know how that's even possible.

Sharp underwear. Forest green boxers with a broad white band. Probably a bit pricier than the baggie pants that could be from Goodwill. Perhaps underwear under the underwear. Probably not hiding a gun under the baggies, which is how the fashion started a lifetime ago.

Only guys do this, by the way. The girls of their generation don't wear underwear.

But really, do I know too much about the guy's underwear? We haven't been properly introduced. I don't even know his name.

Is my age showing? I don't know. Submitted for your approval:

1) A man walks into an examination room, baggies hanging down and underwear showing, and says, "Good afternoon. I'm the doctor. Now according to your chart..."

You're out of the room, aren't you?

2) I take my lovely Australian bride out for a romantic dinner at the Outback Steakhouse. A dude comes over to our table with his underwear showing. "G'day mate, m'name's Bruce and I'll be your server this evening."

Dude, there better not be any bloomin' pubes in my jackaroo chops.

3) Presidential debate, one candidate comes strolling out with his pants way down low so you can see his underwear and says "I'm Mitt Romney and I'm down with the 47%."

I don't think he's got my vote.

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