I can say in all honesty that I don't think ANYBODY is as goddamn OCD as I am when it comes to story lines and WIPs. Wait. Can I actually say "goddamn"? I mean I figured with Nicole giving me free reign and all I'm allowed to say "goddamn." What was I talking about again? (narrows eyes in concentration) Oh yeah! My OCD. See the struggle here--yes, this is officially my new favorite tagline, I have many, keep up people--is that along with the OCD comes ADD...Yeah I'm like a rabid squirrel on 5 hour energy when I get going. Almost anything could break my determination to write. An episode of "The Police Women of Dallas" an episode of "Boston's Finest", Facebook, Instagram, Gmail the mention of pie...Wait, I'm currently resisting the urge to go and search the kitchen for pie. Give me a few seconds as the need passes...Okay, we're good. Its frackin' ridiculous how many WIPs I currently have in Google Docs. I'm like the love'em and leave'em of manuscripts. The Casanova of outlines. The Jennifer Lopez of young, hot, fresh, tales. Too much? Mebbe... Stop judging me. I'm venting to you guys about my commitment issues here. I expect a few "Woo Woo Woos" and some chucks on the chin. Here's the thing, its not that I don't WANT to bring the masses literary awesomeness that will entertain and delight. Its just that sometimes... I don't know how. I know, I know. That sounds weird coming from an author with THREE publishing houses and more books than she can keep up with but REALLY FOLKS, Its a struggle--I totally made a James Brown face and shoulder hunch when I said that. Sometimes, I doubt my ability to truly give my fans what they're expecting from me. I get anxious. I get nervous. I get... twitchy. No, really, my eye does this tic thing...What did I say about the judging? Cut it out! If I could have anything in the world, it'd be an awesome Fairy Godfather of great stories. Why did I say Godfather? I'm glad you asked. Because anyone waltzing around with sparkly wings and a wand whilst sporting shoulders the size of a linebacker's HAS to be the Daddy of all tales right? RIGHT?! (sigh) I see we're back to the judging again. I'm simply saying it'd be nice to have a muse that actually works like he's supposed to...preferably while entertaining my copious demands and baking me pies. Mmmm, pie.... (Puppy eyes) I just wanna be great. REALLY, INCREDIBLY, AMAZINGLY, GREAT. And that people, is the struggle...
Honey, we all go through days like that. I have half a dozen novel starts in my folder as well as a bunch of short stories. And every time I send something out, I wonder if it is good enough. The important thing is to keep trying, sending, doing...because it gets a little easier as time goes by. ;)
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