WTF by Janet Eckford

I pulled this one out. Don't know if it's WTF enough but it's all I got;)

WTF!?! Story

Okay, first off I have to say that WTF moments are a common occurrence in my life. I don't seek them out but they definitely seek me. When I had to pick one WTF moment it was really difficult because how does one pick a "favorite" from the gems that have been collected over time, but I'll try.

I don't think it's shocking that most of my WTF moments occur in bars. Alcohol, relaxed inhibitions and my general amusement for those that are desperately playing out the mating game is a fertile ground for ridiculousness. This particular story takes place at one of my favorite bars, a lovely whiskey bar in downtown Los Angeles. Great booze and great people watching. I was sitting at the bar with my bestie discussing the fuggery that was our day when I felt a "tap tap" on my shoulder. Figuring it was someone trying to move in and order I shifted slightly. Continuing with my conversation I feel the "tap tap" again and turn to see two fairly attractive men. One holds up his arm, flexes and waggles his eyebrows. The other guy points at his friends bicep and said, "Amazing, uh." Me and the bestie of course laugh because it was so ridiculous and return back to our drinks and our conversation. Well, not long after I feel a "tap tap" and notice that one of the fairly attractive men has walked over hands me a cocktail napkin and says to me and bestie, "Do you find my friend attractive? Check yes or no." Now what could we do but laugh. I think I should state a caveat now, I'm married and bestie is single. I'm very comfortable with being the Wing Woman. I'm actually quite good at being the Wing Woman. Hell, I LOVE being the Wing Woman because it's the best form of people watching. I can say whatever I want and not worry about repercussions. Well as the two guys sidle up next to us I sit back and get ready to watch the fur fly. Well Mr. Flexy starts his mack while his friend tries to engage me in conversation. I drop the H word (husband) so there is no confusion and proceed to watch bestie do her thing. Caveat: Bestie is not one of those thirsty females. When we go out we actually spend our time talking to each other than her trying to find a man. Therefore her tolerance for bullshit is null. Dude is working really hard and me and his boy are sitting back enjoying the show. At some point bestie asks, "So what do you do?" Well Mr. Flexy pauses and says, "I work for the city." Caveat: Bestie is a cop magnet. It's a phenomena that can't be explained but if there is a cop in the room he will find her. Therefore, "I work for the city." without any description is code for "Cop". I can't help smirking because Mr. Flexy has lost even before he's begun. Bestie looks at me and we both say simultaneously, "Cop!" and laugh hysterically. Caveat: We don't have anything against cops. Bestie's brother is a cop. What we have a problem with are the cops that are on the prowl at bars, trying to pick up women while their wife and mother of their children are at home waiting for them. The "I work for the city." dudes usually fall into that category. Mr. Flexy immediately starts backpedaling, trying desperately to regain besties attention, his Wing Man shakes his head and whispers in my ear, "Do you need me to make him disappear?" I laugh and reply, "No, this is only going to get better." Well bestie looks at me shrugs and I smile with an evil gleam in my eye. Bestie starts asking Mr. Flexy questions, lulling him into a false sense of security. Caveat: At this point he's introduced himself as George, remember that. Well I'm having a grand time watching him lie through his teeth and not even remembering half of the lies. Even his Wing Man has given up and just shakes his head and continues to hand me quarters for the jukebox. Finally, now that the web has been set, bestie says, "Okay, give me your number." pulls out her phone and says, "What's your name again?" Well Mr. Flexy says, "David." Well bestie and I start laughing because, seriously, keep the alias straight. Bestie looks at him and goes, "Didn't they teach you how to keep your undercover identities straight at the Academy" and she and I start laughing again. NOW here is the WTF moment. Dude swells up like the incredible hulk and flips out. Starts yelling about what a Bitch bestie is and what a tease and some other sexist bullshit. She takes a sip of her whiskey drink and calmly says, "Well it's a good thing you have that wife at home so you don't have to deal with Bitches like me on the regular." Well dude stands there frozen for a second and I seriously thought he was going to have a stroke. Wing Man quickly snatches him away and we shake our heads in disdain. BUT that's not all folks. Mr. Flexy makes his way back, throws a card at bestie and shouts, "You know what I am a cop, BITCH." For the sake of wrapping the story up we discovered not only was he a cop, out with his cop friends BUT it was his bachelor party/pub crawl thingy. 

Moral of the story: Don't try and best me and the bestie.